The Heart of Justus...

Our sweet little four month old Justus underwent open heart surgery last Thursday to correct a condition known as TOF. The surgery went well and by Friday morning Justus was on target for coming off the ventilator while in the CICU (cardiac ICU) in Seattle. In order to come off the ventilator the staff cuts all pain meds. to see if child can breathe on his own (sounds barbaric - given that he had just had his little chest open the day prior). They turned off his morphine and was allowed to wake on his own. As the day progressed I noticed that he was in a considerable amount of pain. My stomach was in knots. His little chest also started to make horrible clicking sounds... and they continued to get louder as the day moved on. Later that night you could not only hear the clicking, but feel his bone moving in his chest when he breathed - as if the sternum was apart and rubbing against itself. He spiked a fever that night at midnight. I - was scared. There was absolutely nothing I could do as I watched. I continually cried out to God to fix this, that is all I could do, just ask Christ to intervene. . . He did.
That next morning the surgeons performed their rounds. Upon discovery of Justus - the surgeon immediately scheduled him for another surgery. My husband's suspicions were right. Justus' sternum had separated and was rubbing upon itself. I broke down in tears. It was hard the first time letting him go, and it did not become easier. There was also a fear of infection, which could translate to bad. Justus was readied for the surgery, and our friends and family were called - my husband asked all to pray.
During all this... dare I say ... I asked why? Why did God allow such a thing to occur? Why? I could not understand. Was it somehow my fault? Was Justus not ready for surgery and we were just pushy? Why would this happen to him? Why all the pain for my sweet little baby?
The answer would come...
Justus came out of the second surgery and was doing great. He even looked better. His little countenance was not grimacing any longer. I felt a huge amount of relief seeing that he was feeling better. Then family visited and I got to see and hold and kiss on all of my sweet little children. Ohhhh... how I miss them. It was then that I got the answer to my question that I had been repeating within my heart all through the night... my husband wrote of it on Facebook and so I just copied it to here:

"Why Lord? We often wonder why things happen in our lives. Charrissa and I have certainly been challenged with that as of late. Today we had family and Pastor visiting us at the hospital. After they left the nurse (Eileen) was speaking with my wife... about how wonderful it was to see such love and support from our family and friends. She commented on our children.This conversation lead to a discussion where my wife was able to share the gospel of Christ to our fantastic nurse. She was so very interested in our story and our story IS our Saviour. Oh how the love of Christ manifested is such a testimony to others. (John 13:35). Funny thing is,she was only seeing the tip of the iceberg for she could not see the hundreds of people that have been coming boldly to the throne of grace on our behalf and seeking God's face for our little one. We are so thankful for the love of Christ manifested!As the conversation continued with Eileen, they happened to be speaking about the providence of God, sharing stories of how God's hand has been on our son and the many stories of how we see Him at work. During this conversation, they began talking about the many extra bottles of milk that we had a heart to donate or give to someone who was in need.As the nurse was researching, online, a place to give the milk another nurse came in, to which Eileen asked if she knew of a good place to donate the milk. The nurse broke down in tears and stated how there was another nurse who is adopting a child and is looking for milk to feed her new little one. When it was agreed the extra would go to the other nurse in need, the nurse said to my wife and Eileen, "This is nothing short of the providence of God."
I would be shorting the story if I did not tell you that the nurse who was weeping and speaking of the providence of God was a nurse that we had a VERY difficult time with during the season of battle that we were having last night. How gracious of our Lord to allow us an opportunity to love on her and encourage her."

This has been a roller coaster of a ride for our family. However, that being said - I could not imagine the ride without Christ being at the controls. That He would allow us to be apart of bringing glory to His name in sharing the gospel to one soul - is simply humbling. I can honestly say that my heart is comforted to know that although Justus is still "recovering" there is already a victory. A seed has been planted. . . I pray it would find roots and grow.

To those who have been in prayer: I, nor my family, can thank you enough. It is the most humbling thing to have people pray for you and encourage you. Our sweet baby is such a gift. He has been used of God to teach many lessons - and yet only four months old.

I will continue to update as I have time. Justus is doing well. He continues to battle fever here and there. We are praying that he does not have an underlying infection. We will get the cultures back on Monday or Tuesday. If you think of it, could you please pray against infection as well? Thank you so much!